LAIR COMMENTARY- 9/4/06



In The Presence Of Greatness
By Matt, Webmaster
The Lair of Horror


Friday, August 25th

There we were. Sitting on AJ’s front porch on Friday night wondering just what in the hell we were getting ourselves into. The next day, we were to be up really early (well 10 am is early by our standards), and we were set to embark on a four-hour journey east to Cherry Hill, New Jersey, for the Monster-Mania Convention.

Our very first horror convention.

Sitting there letting our latest episode of “The Sopranos” set in (we were watching the third season DVD), we started to wonder what it was going to be like to meet the likes of Betsy Palmer and Kane Hodder. C.J. Graham and Ted White. And on and on and on. Just what were we going to say to these celebrities, these icons we grew up idolizing? That was something we thought about that night, and early the next morning as we set out.


Saturday, August 26th
10:35 am

Our goal for the convention was to get our authentic hockey mask signed by all the Jasons, and so we began our illustrious journey, grabbing a bottle of raspberry Dasani for the trip. What started out as a typical journey on the Pennsylvania turnpike ended up being so much more. The ride was a breeze for about three hours, but after we exited the turnpike, the intensity struck us like a bolt of lightning. Before we knew it, we found ourselves smack dab in the middle of Central Philadelphia. Way to go, Mapquest. Merry fucking Christmas.

Sticking to the directions we printed out, we somehow managed to find our way through the eight-lane traffic (which, being small town guys, was very abnormal for us). Careful with every exit, we crossed the Ben Franklin Bridge and entered New Jersey, without so much as a sign to welcome us like most other states. Instead what we got was a bunch of graffiti and garbage strewn across the road, which, we were told, is common in the state of New Jersey. No wonder Tony Soprano makes a killing working in “waste management”.

Anyhow, after a little over four hours, we pulled into our hotel, which looked a lot better on the website and brochures. We won’t say which hotel we stayed at, but since the Crown Plaza was booked full for the convention, this was the next best thing. Or so they said.


4:00 pm

Checking in, we were told that our room was double booked, so we were upgraded to a “deluxe suite”. When we finally got up to our room, it was hardly a “deluxe suite”. Sure, the beds were king size, but the bathroom was about as big as a closet, and it didn’t even include the sink, which was out in the main part of the room. How nice.

In a hurry to get to the convention, we asked the attendant in the lobby where to find the hotel. She told us we have to go down past a McDonald’s to “one of the jughandles” and then make a right onto Haddonfield, then god knows where else. Anyhow, my first thought was, what in the hell is a jughandle? Is it a bar, a watering hole, what? Turns out, all the traffic goes one way on each side of the road, and there are no left turns. A jughandle is used to make those turns via a traffic light. Some of you big city folks may be laughing at us for that, but us small town guys had no clue what that broad was talking about.

After eating at the McDonald’s (which was the nastiest, dirtiest McDonald’s I ever ate at), we decided to quit fooling around and just take a taxi to wherever the hell the Crown Plaza was (it was obviously not anywhere near our hotel like it was supposed to be). A two-mile, ten-dollar cab ride later, we finally arrived at the Crown Plaza, greeted by the long legions of horror fans.


4:35 pm

I led the way into the main lobby, keeping an eye out for any of the celebrities. Trying to find our way, we went to the back ballrooms and followed the signs that said “Friday the 13th Stars”. Once we turned the corner and entered the room, it was like shock had set in. There, standing in front of us, was Betsy Palmer, wearing her trademark sweater. A.J. and I just looked at each other and said “holy shit, there’s Mrs. Voorhees!” Turning my head, I saw another familiar face, that of Kane Hodder, who was to our right. Looking at the lines, we started our trek.

Knowing the autograph session only ran until 6 pm, we acted fast, first getting Kane Hodder to sign. After talking with him briefly about his current projects (one of which is that he wants to play Michael Myers in Rob Zombie’s Halloween re-make), we looked for the shortest lines and made a bee-line for C.J. Graham and Dick Wieand, who were side-by-side.

C.J., arguably the nicest celebrity there, was more than happy to sign the mask and pose for a photo. And Dick Wieand was also very personable, talking about how his ex-wife was from western Pennsylvania and that he knew where it was. After posing for photos with Dick, we had to regroup. You see, we didn’t know the actors would be charging around $20 per autograph, so with mothballs left in our wallet, we got frustrated, thinking we wouldn’t be able to get our prized hockey masks completely signed.

Practically running down the lobby, we decided to hit the ATM and get more cash, practically breaking our bank to accomplish our goal. However, when we got to the ATM, we were met by an “out of order” sign, which just about sent us into panic mode. Asking around, nobody seemed to know where the nearest damn ATM was (are there even any in the state of New Jersey)? Finally, we followed a guy down the side of the road toward a pizza joint, hoping that that ATM was actually working. Ahh, what a relief. After pacing down the road about a mile and crossing the eight-lane traffic feeling like the star of a Frogger game, we got our cash and headed back to the hotel.


5:20 pm

Our next encounter was with Steve Dash, the real Jason from Part 2. Or, as he later said, the real fucking Jason. Anyway, Steve explained to us that Warrington Gillette only played Jason at the very end, when he crashed through the window and attacked Ginny. The rest of the movie was all him, and that baffled me. Why wouldn’t they credit him as Jason? Because Gillette and his agent had it in the contract. Talk about bullshit. After posing for pictures and exchanging websites, we moved on again.


5:35 pm

With time winding down, we rushed from one Jason to the next, meeting Ken Kirzinger, Richard Brooker, Ted White, and Ari Lehman, in no particular order. Most of them were very nice and more than happy to sign and get to know us for that brief time. (We will leave out the one who was business-like and didn’t really want to chat, although you can probably guess who it was). Anyhow, the highlight of that time was the fact that Ted White was downright astounded at the $150 price tag we paid for our authentic masks. That, to me, showed Ted, who was attending his first-ever con, the dedication of the Friday the 13th fans out there.


5:45 pm

Breathing a sigh of relief that we accomplished our goal, we were just about to head out, when something in my head told me to stick around and wait in line for Mrs. Voorhees. We figured, why not, it would truly make our collection complete to meet the horror queen that started it all. So, after patiently waiting for nearly the final 15 minutes of the autograph session, we had the pleasure of meeting Betsy Palmer, who, in my opinion, was the highlight of the entire convention.

She was more than happy to meet us, talk, and generally get to know us. We didn’t even have to ask her for a picture, she came right out from behind her table and graciously posed with us. After getting a big hug and the picture with her, we truly knew we had experienced something great. And also very expensive, but that did very little to ruin what we will remember for the rest of our lives.


6:15 pm

After having our biggest childhood dreams fulfilled, we decided to wander around the other autograph rooms and see who was still around. We came across Rodney Eastman and Ken Sagoes (Joey and Kincaid from Dream Warriors), but we didn’t stop to chat because we were just about out of money yet again (a growing trend on this trip). We were about to go chill in the lobby again when I saw a long line in the far corner of the room. We just had to see what the fuss was about, so we got in line and found out it was for Sid Haig, better known as Captain Spaulding in House of 1000 Corpses and its sequel, The Devil’s Rejects. Sid was very courteous, sticking around for every last fan who wanted his autograph. I got an autographed photo of him, and he signed it “Tutti Fuckin’ Frutti”, which really added to the experience of a lifetime for me.


8:00 pm

After chilling in the hotel lobby for a while, A.J. and I entered the grand ballroom for three straight hours of reunions. First up was the “Ladies of the Lake” reunion, featuring Betsy Palmer, Adrienne King, Kimberly Beck, Lar Park Lincoln, and Erin Gray. And once again, it was Betsy who stole the show, commenting on everything from not wanting to tarnish her image as Mrs. Voorhees by playing the role again to the size of Jason’s hellbaby that was reborn through Diana (we won’t go into the details, but let’s just say it was pretty hilarious when Erin Gray described it going up in her). After a lot of laughs and a ton of insightful questions, it was time for the “Men Who Were Jason” reunion.


9:00 pm

Controversy struck as the men who were Jason took the stage. Instead of going in order of the movies, they threw Ken Kirzinger on one side of the table, and Kane Hodder on the other. A.J. and I talked about this briefly, wondering if there was any bad blood between Kane and Ken. Sitting them apart did little to dispel the rumor. There was even one asshole in the crowd who tried to ask a question related to that topic, and he ended up getting thrown out, so maybe that theory was correct, I don’t know. All I know was I was damn glad to be in the same room with the men who created, molded, and shaped the character of Jason Voorhees for over 25 years. I truly felt honored to be there. Typical questions were asked, and one I will share with you. The panel was asked what their favorite kills were, and this is how they answered:

Kane Hodder- Part 7 sleeping bag death
Ken Kirzinger- Freddy vs. Jason folding up the bed
Steve Dash- Part 2 Jeff and Sandra double impaling
Richard Brooker- Part 3 Andy walking on his hands
Ted White- Part 4- Tina thrown out window onto parked car
C.J. Graham- Part 6- Nikki’s face into the RV wall

I found that to be the most fun and interesting question of the night, even though Dick Wieand didn’t answer. You’d think with one of the highest body counts in the series, he would have had a favorite, but oh well. After the group posed for photos (which we have placed on our Men Behind The Mask page), it was time for the Nightmare on Elm Street reunion, featuring the cast of Dream Warriors.


10:15 pm

There was a slight delay in the Elm Street reunion, and to fill the time, they showed a sneak preview of the upcoming horror movie “Hatchet”, starring Kane Hodder and Robert Englund. I’ll tell you what, if the rest of the movie is anywhere near as crazy as the clip they showed us, Hatchet is going to be one hell of a movie.

Anyways, after a couple other indy previews, it was time for the Elm Street cast to take the stage, with Ronee Blakley, Rodney Eastman, Ken Sagoes, Jennifer Rubin, and finally, Robert Englund joining the panel.

Unfortunately, we were really disappointed with this reunion overall. It was basically Robert Englund doing most of the talking, and it almost felt like he was preaching to us about dreams and horror movies and how they seem to be inter-linked sometimes. It’s not a knock on Englund, because it was awesome to see him, but they should have stuck to Elm Street material. They got way too far off course on this one.

The best question involving them was “What is your favorite line from the movie?” (Dream Warriors)

Ken Sagoes (Kincaid) said, “Let’s go kick this motherfucker’s ass all over dreamland.”
Jennifer Rubin (Taryn), dodged the question, and looked really uncomfortable up there.
Rodney Eastman (Joey) laughed and said “NOOOOO!” (he was a mute most of the movie).

And finally, Robert Englund delivered, going into character and saying, “Welcome to primetime, bitch!”


12:00 am

Heading back to our hotel after the satisfying events of Monster-Mania, we called it a night.


Sunday, August 27th
10:30 am

After a loud night at the hotel (we heard police sirens and our noisy neighbors all night), we set out to head back to PA, broke once again. Along the way, we crawled back across the Ben Franklin Bridge in traffic only to discover that there is a toll when you leave New Jersey. They sure squeeze every dime out of you that they can, especially considering there wasn’t a toll on the way in.

Anyway, having made the decision to stop at an ATM on the turnpike, we left our wallets were bone dry once again. Pulling up to the booth, we saw the toll was $3. I looked in my wallet, and wouldn’t you know it, I had exactly $3. Breathing a sigh of relief, we left New Jersey and got back on the turnpike with a grand total of 17 cents between us.


4:00 pm

After stopping once to grab a bite to eat, we arrived back home, happy to be back with our goal accomplished. All we could think about at that point was how awesome it was, and how broke we now were. It was really hard because we had no idea what to expect heading in. Next time, there won’t be any question that we will have money saved up in advance, and we will actually stay at the Crown Plaza instead of our Ghetto Inn.

Summing it up, it was definitely a hugely rewarding experience, as we’ve now obtained a priceless Friday artifact that could be among the only masks of its kind. I doubt there are many authentic Jason masks out there signed by every Jason and Mrs. Voorhees as well.

It was definitely a one of a kind convention. Being there we felt like the celebrities were just like one of us, but looking back, we truly realize we were in the presence of greatness.


For More Convention Pictures, Visit The Lair of Horror on Myspace at www.myspace.com/lairofhorror
Matt


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